Would you like working with Justin Kwan at Barclays

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If you are thinking about pursing a career in Investment Banking, people like Justin Kwan are a reason why this job could be a pain.

On June 2, in New York, in order to welcome new interns, Justin Kwan had the amazing idea to give 10 reasons why working with some people really sucks. Justin Kwan is a 2nd year analyst at Barclays Investment Bank in the Power and Utilities group. You will see by yourself, but he must have some sort of confidence issues…

Investment Banking can be a great job. If you start a career in IBD, be sure to tell HR if you ever receive an email like this! Some people in Banking are crazy and have issues, don’t let them pollute your life and experience!

 

From: Kwan, Justin: Banking (NYK)
Sent: Tuesday, June 02, 2015 11:16
Subject: Welcome to the Jungle

Welcome to Power! I am sure you are all busy at training, but in the interest of helping your transition into the summer, and hopefully helping some of you secure Full-Time offers, I wanted to introduce you to the 10 Power Commandments. Respect them, love them, live them. You may have heard different stories about Barclays Power – go on WSO and you’ll see us called the “frattiest group”, “top Power group on the street”, or the group with the “best PE placement” – needless to say we are a unique group at Barclays. And with that come unique rules.

For 9 weeks you will live and die by these:

1. Our group dresses very conservatively. Given that it is summer, no socks is accepted and, in fact, encouraged. (Men: On your first day at the desk, it is customary to wear a bowtie and/or suspenders).

“Live and die”…. is he relating to the story of Moritz Erhardt, summer analyst at BofA Merrill Lynch, who died? Very bad start…

 

2. Remember: this is a summer internship for a full-time offer. It won’t be easy. If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen.

hmmm… nice way to say welcome! It reveals the team spirit!

 

3. We expect you to be the last ones to leave every night…no matter what. That’s what good summer analysts do. (Also getting in earlier than me would be a power move – You should enjoy your casual 9:15AM PT arrival time this Friday, but I wouldn’t get used to it.

So you will be judge on your facetime, not your efficiency at work… Does it also mean that your superior need to be babysitted?

 

4. During your first few weeks we ask that you direct all of your questions to Michael Lomio. Tell the other summers too, Michael is industry agnostic. If you ask me a question it will be noted.

So far…. reading this email…. do you really think you would have wanted to speak or be in contact with Justin Kwan???

 

5. Never take your jacket off at work. This is investment banking, ladies and gentlemen. Other groups may be more liberal when it comes to summer dress code, unfortunately we’re not

6. You will be assigned junior “mentors”. It is much appreciated if you would bring breakfast in for your respective “mentor.” Some people are more particular about this than others.

If this is not abusive…

 

7. I recommend bringing a pillow to the office (yoga mat works as well). It makes sleeping under your desk alot [sic] more comfortable, in the very likely scenario that you have to do that.

Why would a normal person do this? If you have to, you should also bring cloth, couch, chairs, tables… and set your home in the office.

 

8. You are expected to allocate at least half your seamless web order for group appetizers/snacks for the month of June. No questions asked. Once the 2nd years leave, you can enjoy your $25 allocations.

I don’t get it, but it would be weird if it was something nice.

 

9. Have a spare tie/scarf or two around. You never know when your associate will run out of napkins.

Such a good humour!

 

10. When you need to leave your desk there will be a sign out sheet outside your cubes. Please fill it out including where you went and for how long. This is important come the end of your internship

“Internship” or jail.

 

I hope it is clear from the rules above that the internship really is a 9-week commitment at the desk. You are here with the sole goal to impress the group enough to receive a FT offer. During my summer in the group an intern asked our staffer for a weekend off for a family reunion – he was told he could go. He was also asked to hand in his blackberry and pack up his desk.

You don’t have to stay 9 weeks if the guy is really like this…

 

Some of you have asked for training materials to study up on before you start. Love the enthusiasm. First, I would recommend reading the GS Elevator twitter feed for some social cues. It might be seen as a joke to some people, but around here I think many people find it insightful. Below is a link to a great read for any dress questions.

So you now know what the guy is doing in his spare time… great social life!

 

Second, I have attached a fairly simple LBO for Staples. Understand this will be a bit tough for some of you without a Finance / UG business degree, but we believe in you. There’s a reason each of you was picked for the group. We expect you to give this your best shot and send us a completed LBO model with a short write up by Friday end of day. None of you will have this 100% correct, that’s expected. We also still expect you to complete a significant portion of it.

Uhuuuuuu! Fun!

 

Welcome to the big leagues, boys and girls. Play time is over and it’s time to buckle up. Once you hit the desk, your lives will be your work for 9 weeks. Please respond promptly to acknowledge you’ve received this e-mail (anytime in the next half hour would be fine) and to confirm that you are onboard for the summer. We know you have access to e-mail, so there’s no way to avoid this. If I remember correctly, you are probably doing training with Sean Clovey from IT, or Market Mark from TTS.

Other than that, I look forward to meeting you all, and I hope you’re excited to join the group! We sure are looking forward to having you here!

Yours Truly,
Justin

After this, even if you were the most motivated man in the world, you are probably already out of the building.

 

P.S. There are a number of typos in place in the email above. These are on purpose. First person to email me back with at least 3 highlighted typos is off to a GREAT start!

He is backing him up for typos…

On a more serious note, if you are preparing for a recruitment process at Barclays, prepare for their online tests!

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